About Me
Meet Haylie O’Hanlon, Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Board-Certified Music Therapist. Certified Perinatal Mental Health Therapist specializing in Perinatal Mental Health & Grief.
You’re a new parent and it’s not how you imagined it would be.You used to be so good at work, you loved being with your friends, you LOVED your life, and you hoped this child would just add more joy and fulfillment to your life. But now, you feel so far from who you used to be, you’re drowning in guilt, confusion, resentment, worry, and anger that you’ve never felt before, you question whether you’re doing it right, and you wonder if other new moms feel the same way. I’m here to tell you that we do. I’ve been there! And I support many moms who are right there, too.
In this space you can take time to warm up to the reality of motherhood without worrying that you’ll be judged for not loving your baby enough. You can miss your old life and be reminded of how you show up to the chaos and mundanity of your days with immense love and care. You can love your partner and be grateful for their support, and still be resentful that though both of your lives changed, you’re also coping with the fact that your biology also changed. In this space, you are invited to be everything, all at once. You grew life for fuck’s sake, you’re allowed to feel the complexity and magnitude of that! It’s as hard as it feels, and it’s not wrong to admit that.
In a society that forgets about moms as soon as the baby is born and discourages them from talking about the challenges of the postpartum period, let this be the place where the entirety of your experience is acknowledged. Your wellbeing directly impacts the wellbeing of your baby and the rest of your family. Taking this step to care for yourself is also taking a step to care for your baby better. It is not selfish to prioritize your needs. You deserve to be nourished, nurtured, supported, and tended to just as much as your baby.
What is therapy like with me?
My role as your therapist is not to fix you, give you advice, or make things better. My role is to point you inward to uncover your resilience and strength and let that lead us on the path toward healing. I use an eclectic approach because therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of thing. We will explore how your past relationships are influencing you now, identify where your core beliefs stem from, learn how to regulate your nervous system and fully experience your emotions, and help you see and utilize the incredible strengths that make you, you.
I understand that coming to therapy can be scary and uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels impossible to talk about your pain, and it is hard work to feel it. That’s why at the core of my approach is building a trusting, collaborative, warm relationship where you feel seen, understood, and sometimes challenged. We will go at your pace, we’ll talk about what you feel is important to talk about, and we’ll keep an open dialogue about the direction we are heading in the therapeutic process. It will sometimes feel hard to come to therapy, especially with a new baby. Come as you are – messy, tired, eating, in pajamas, with your baby, nursing/pumping, foggy-brained – it’s all warmly welcomed here.
Am I the right therapist for you?
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I have several years of experience working in death care and grief support, and while that may seem irrelevant - birth & death, grief & postpartum - these experiences are mirror images of each other. Becoming a mother is a death and rebirth. It is walking into the unknown and meeting the limits of what you’re able to endure. And the fallout from that experience can be disorienting. There are so many contradicting emotions, so many taboos that you never hear discussed, and it can feel completely isolating and maddening.
I have also worked in youth & family services as a therapist and learned a lot about parenting and attachment, and how these early experiences impact children. I am a firm believer that the mother needs and deserves to be mothered. The wellbeing of your child is a direct reflection of your wellbeing.
I am also a new mother myself, and I have struggled with postpartum anxiety. I am keenly aware of the difference that good support, education, and care makes in our ability to parent the way we want to. And having an understanding of how universal this experience is has almost eliminated any guilt, shame, or embarrassment I have held around the more difficult parts of this process. I am always learning from my clients, and I am frequently thinking (or saying) “me too!!” Being able to view their struggles with compassion & empathy, I have also learned to give it to myself, which in turn widens my capacity to love and care for my clients. It’s a gorgeous cycle, and I feel so lucky to walk alongside women as they navigate this period. I think that passion shows.
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I value authenticity and warmth in my practice. I am not a blank slate therapist by any means. I feel with you and for you. I am irreverent – I swear a lot. I will share about myself if I think it will be helpful, and I am totally open to hearing when it’s not helpful and I will stop. I truly value your feedback and trust that you know best what you need from therapy. I will invite challenges to my ideas and feel invigorated by working things out together. Clients have told me that they feel like they are talking to a friend, and they often leave sessions viewing themselves with more love & kindness. That is my hope for all my clients, and it is the absolute best compliment I have ever, ever received.
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I think self-disclosure can be such a great way to build trust, so I will answer most questions you have about me! And I will share my experiences if I think it could be useful to you, but I’ll always ask your permission first.
But here are a few things: I grew up in Southern California, bounced around a bit to Utah & Massachusetts, but ended up back in LA married to my best friend from college. We got married and had a baby last year, and it has been so hard and so, unbelievably wonderful.
I was a hospice music therapist before becoming an LCSW, so my music taste ranges from Billie Holiday to Hank Williams to Glorilla and Biggie. I love to dance, and there’s not much I won’t dance to.
I have 2 cats, a brother & sister, with human names who I consider my first-born children, along with my sourdough starter, Mildred.
This is my dream job and I can’t believe my luck.